I hadn’t thought much about what kind of mother I’d be, and to be honest although the bear was planned it wasn’t actually a part of a long term desire to be parents. More a desire to have a little bit of us both inside a single, awesome, little human being. In that we were successful (in my completely biased mama bear opinion).
However, what had surprised me is how relaxed I am. Give it whatever label you like; attachment parenting, baby lead everything or pandering to the baby – the truth is I’ve embraced it fully. If she needs me I’m there. She’s small for such a short time and before long she won’t want her mummy for cuddles and reassurance, she won’t cry out to me to put right every little wrong in her world. She’s already showing so many signs of independence so I for one am embracing and enjoying every moment while I can. Not always easy to do when you’re tired or have 1001 things on your to do list, but I’m trying.
However, as indulgent as this mushy side note is; that’s not the point of this post. I was reflecting tonight on parenthood and the kind of mummy I thought I’d be versus the mummy I am, and in all honesty I thought we’d struggle more. I thought I’d be more strict on routine. I thought my child would never have a dummy. I thought our life would be different but essentially similar to what it was before. (oh how naive we were!) I also thought I’d love our baby but I did not realise at the time just HOW MUCH you love them. Your entire world changes ; and you don’t care. For as much as we may miss aspects of our ‘old’ life, invariably what we have now is better.
The conclusion ?? I dont know really. I guess that there is no right or wrong to parenting, you just figure out somewhere along the way what’s best for you as a little family. Also nothing ever quite turns out as you expect and that’s ok. In fact it’s sometimes better.