I’m so lucky that I’ve had a good set of friends around me. I’m not one of those that have flocks of people around me but the close friends I have (and have stuck around through out life upheaval in the form of two kids), I’m confident will be here for the long haul. We’ve grown together: had families, laughed, cried and suffered the sleep deprivation. However I’m aware that’s not always the case and today on the blog we have a guest post from a fellow blogger who has chosen to remain anonymous. I think you’ll see why…..
You disappoint me, dear friends
You’ve really let me down, pre baby friends. I can honestly say I am disappointed in you and berate myself for choosing you as my select few friends before I chose to have a baby. Did your ignorance and self absorption allude me then? Or was I equally self absorbed then, too? I am ashamed to say that I believe it is the latter.
When you have a baby the world rallies round, and you were there with them. Front of the queue you stood, holding gifts and gushy tones. Snapping photos and posting to your hearts content. I was elated that my little baby was surrounded with such love. I scoffed at the stories of feeling alone after baby arrives. How could I with such care enveloped around us.
But, slowly and surely, your visits waned and your concern dampened. As I fell foul to a sea of exhaustion and dirty dishes you pushed forward with your own life. I don’t begrudge you, you have your own world of which you should be the centre, but you can’t have it all. You can’t tell me over Facebook how much you love ‘his little smile’ when you’ve not seen his face in person for weeks. Don’t gush over him sitting steady as if it happened over night when you missed the weeks of slumped attempts and head bumps. Yes, you continue to ask me how I am, but with little concern over the depth of my answer.
There are moments when I have felt so alone. But you want to see the smiles, the cheeky photos and hear to funny anecdotes. You’ve barely stopped to view the reveal of horror that first time Parenting can bring.
You have ignored my PND, my sleepless nights, my constant colds and sickness, my babies hospital appointments – anything in my life that might make you uncomfortable.
The sad thing is that I won’t raise this with you. I can’t handle your reaction or regret you might make me feel. I can only hope that in time life takes its turns to find me new friends that I needn’t feel so disappointed in.
If you’re reading this and wonder what type of friend you’re being to a new mum then take them round a lasagne. Send them a message telling them they are a wonderful mother. Let them call you at 3am when the world is crumbling and sleep seems so distant. See the child you gush so virtually, cuddle their gorgeous cheeks for real.
Just be better. Your time will come when you need their help back.